Choosing what to write about- how decision is influenced

I am having a problem with choosing what to write about. I am lead by fear to not write about certain topics because I don't want to offend or scare-off anyone, especially my extended family. I assume they will still not understand as before when I presented this information to them, and they will only make defense for their personal beliefs and harsh judgment towards me, and ultimately, will not be interested or open-minded in listening to what I have to say.

So now I see that within this difficulty in choosing what to write about, I am not really able to choose freely, because I am lead by my memories, my fear, my mind consciousness system, instead of me living my word as who I am. I can clearly see how I do not really have a choice, because it is manipulated by my environment, by the people in my life, and by my own fears. My choice is controlled by my thoughts, feelings and emotions, by my desire to be accepted.

But what about me? Why can't I just say what I want? Not what I want by what I think will benefit me most, by manipulation of words, to make me seem intelligent and kind, but just the words as who I am, without worry of how my words will be taken? Worry manipulates choice, taking it from me. I don't need to write about something to make myself SEEM any kind of way, but write out me in all actuality. Therefore, choice does not exist in self-honesty. There is no choice except to write me, in reality in this moment, as I am living my word.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that choice exists.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am in control and in power over my world, because 'I make my own choices'.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that choice has never really existed, because all choices were pre-determined through what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to exist as, as a mind-consciousness system.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide behind 'free will' and 'free choice'.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not want to give up my 'free will' and 'free choice', because that means that I will have to be self-honest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear self-honesty.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear to lose everything I have and everything I have defined myself as- if I were to give up 'free will' and 'free choice'.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use 'free will' and 'free choice' to justify why I shouldn't stand up and speak up when I see dishonesty is being allowed because 'they can do as they want as they please', 'it is their right to do so'.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have the right to do anything I want to do, without consideration for anyone else.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that myself and my close family members are more important than anyone in this world.

When and as I have trouble choosing what to write about, I stop, I breathe, and do not allow myself to be lead by past experiences, future probabilities, thoughts, feelings, and emotions of my mind-consciousness system. Instead I realize that the only choice I have is to stand as the ultimate expression of myself and the realization of myself in every moment.