Back to self -ending judgment by comparison through self forgiveness and delegating responsibilities

Every night, after my 7yr old sleeps for a couple of hours, either my partner or myself wakes him up out of his deep sleep, to get him to urinate in the toilet. When we don’t, he usually sleeps so deeply that he ends up peeing in his bed. I have been the one who usually wakes him up, since I have been going to bed about two hrs after my son falls asleep while my partner is still awake on the computer.

A few nights ago, I went to sleep only an hour after my son fell asleep, and thought it was too early to wake him. A couple of hours after I fell asleep, I was awakened by my partner who had just used the toilet and climbed back in bed. I asked my partner if he had woken our son up to pee, and he said no. I then asked him if he could wake him up because I have trouble falling back to sleep when I get up in the middle of my sleep and stay awake for more than a few minutes. My partner just mumbled and stayed in bed, falling back to sleep again.

At this time I followed a thought that ‘my partner doesn’t care to help because he does not have to wash the bedding when our son wets them’. I then proceeded to think about ‘all the times that I’ve helped my partner out by waking up with our son in the morning when it was my partner’s turn, so my partner could catch up on sleep and he won’t help me out this one time’. So I was feeling a bit taken advantage of. Here I was asking my partner for help, and he refused.

Because I don’t want our son to wet his bed, for his sake and mine, I got out of bed and woke him up. This is not a quick task, for it takes a little convincing, sometimes picking him up out of bed and guiding him in front of the toilet reminding him of what is going on. (He is usually woken from such a deep sleep that he doesn’t know what he is doing) This stimulation for me in the middle of the night is enough to rouse me awake, making it difficult for me to fall back asleep again.

I lay down in bed again attempting to relax and fall asleep with no ‘luck’. After looking at the time and seeing that a half hour had already ticked by with myself still awake, the thoughts came up in my head again. I tried to ignore them, but had trouble as I thought about how sleepy I would be the next day for not getting enough sleep. The thought in it self, is what lead me to think about my partner’s selfishness. Anger rushed through me as I listened to my partner snore. I wanted then to keep him awake as long as I was. I then took a small pillow and bopped it against his face! lol! As he woke up, all the thoughts that had been running in my mind burst out to him.

In this reaction, I told him exactly how I felt about him not wanting to help me out. I reminded him of all the times I had helped him out, waking up early when it was my turn to sleep in. I told him about how I am usually the one who wakes our son up to pee, and that this one time that I asked for his help, he refuses. I told him ‘he was a selfish jerk who didn’t give a shit about anyone but his self.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the thought ‘my partner doesn’t care to help because he doesn’t have to wash the bedding when our son wets them’ to exist within and as me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to-through participation within the thought ‘my partner doesn’t care to help because he doesn’t have to wash the bedding when our son wets them’- to become angry. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to direct my self-created anger, through participation within the thought ‘my partner doesn’t care to help because he doesn’t have to wash the bedding when our son wets them’, towards my partner for my experience of anger within myself that I actually self created.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the thought ‘all the times that I’ve helped my partner out by waking up with our son in the morning when it was my partner’s turn so my partner could catch up on sleep and he refuses to help me out this one time’ to exist within and as me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to – through participation within the thought ‘all the times that I’ve helped my partner out by waking up with out son in the morning when it was my partner’s turn so my partner could catch up on sleep and he refuses to help me out this one time’ – become angry. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to direct my self-created anger, through my participation within the thought ‘all the times that I’ve helped my partner out by waking up with our son in the morning when it was my partner’s turn so my partner could catch up on sleep and he refuses to help me out this one time’ –towards my partner – blaming my partner for my experience of anger within myself that I actually self created.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the memory of me helping my partner out by waking up in the morning with our son so my partner could catch up on sleep, with the thought ‘he doesn’t care about me because he refuses to help me out this one time’. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto and keep track of the times I’ve helped my partner out and to hold it in comparison with how much he helps me out. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the memory of the times I’ve helped my partner out without his help in return to an emotional experience of disappointment. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within an emotional experience of disappointment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define who I am according to my relationship with my partner and my ability as a parent – in comparison to my partner and how much he does around the house to help myself and the children out. I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that I am not judging him, but myself. I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to judge myself by comparing myself to my partner who I perceive as less helpful than I – instead of no more accepting/allowing me to define me according to my relationship and parenting choices.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the thought ‘I will not get enough sleep to feel well rested’. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the thought ‘I will not get enough sleep to feel well rested’ with the emotional experience of fear and disappointment. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into an emotional experience of fear and disappointment because I feel like I cannot control my ability to sleep. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project blame to my partner for my emotional experience of fear and disappointment because I feel I cannot control my ability to sleep.

When I feel like I am being taken advantage of, and am tempted to follow thoughts, and memories, which then lead to comparison, blame and emotional reactions such as disappointment and anger, I will stop my mind by breathing deeply, bringing myself back to the physical, and do what practically needs to be done without holding judgment. A written plan of responsibilities will be constructed and shared with my partner so that we both know what is to be expected of each of us with our duties in caring for the children. I will not compare myself to others because in that comparison is dishonesty and judgment of self, but instead will bring myself back to the physical as the breath here in the moment.

Extinguishing blame and expectations by conquering fear of reaction within self through self forgiveness.

I have been getting frustrated with my partner not meeting my expectations of cleaning up after himself . I have asked him a few times to clean the coffee maker, because it is growing bits of mildew, and I think I may be allergic. I don't use the coffee maker, or drink coffee, so I feel like it is a fair request that he keep it clean. He said he would clean it, but then he would go sit back down at the computer again and forget about it. Finally, I brought it up again, reminding him that the mildew on it is unhealthy, and he cleaned it right away in front of me. I was relieved.

On another occasion, my partner had used a saw to build a book-case. He left the garage a mess. There were wood shavings all over and the paper he painted the book-case on top of still layed out and was covered in paint. The next morning, we packed the car up to go on vacation, but he stepped in the paint and tracked it into the house. He still didn't clean it up, and I was afraid to mention anything because of past experiences of him getting defensive and angry with me. When we returned, he replaced a lightbulb and left the ladder in the middle of the garage, right in the way where we walk to take the trash out. So every time I walked into the garage to take the trash out, or to get my bike, I had to walk around the ladder, through sawdust and around the paper with paint. It was such a mess, and I was angry that he didn't clean up after himself for so long, it had been a month. I was angry at myself for fearing telling him something about it. I left it as long as I could handle it, hoping he would eventually clean it up. But I couldn't wait any longer because it was such a bother, and I was tracking sawdust in the house every time I walked in the garage. So I cleaned it up. I didn't say a word to him about it, and he didn't say a word about me cleaning it. I felt like I deserved at least a 'thank you' for cleaning up after him.

We take turns cooking, and when I cook, I clean up as I go, so I don't leave a huge mess. When my partner cooks, he usually leaves a huge mess. In fact, he cooked last night and burned the bamboo steamer, and left ashes on the stove and counter along with the dirty pots, dishes, and countertops. I was writing last night, while he was playing piano, so the dishes didn't get cleaned. I went ot bed early with Alexander, while my partner stayed up very late playing a video game, so the kitchen was still a mess when I woke up. I felt like it is unfair that I am left cleaning the mess. I thought about how I usually clean up after myself when I cook, so when he gets home, he doesn't have to do anything. I thought about how selfish he is being by expecting me to clean up after him.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the thought, 'why can't he clean up after himself? I usually clean up after myself.' I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to -through participation within the thought 'why can't he clean up after himself? I usually clean up after myself.'- become angry.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to direct my self-created anger, through my participation within the thought 'why can't he clean up after himself? I usually clean up after myself.', towards my partner-blaming my partner for my experience of anger within myself that I actually self created.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto an expectation of my partner to read my thoughts, that are in my secret chamber of my head, and in this expectation allowing myself the dismissal of the need to push through my fear of speaking up to my partner.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed to hold an expectation of my partner cleaning up after himself when he works on a project. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect my partner to sweep up the sawdust when he's finished sawing. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect my partner to clean up the paint when he's finished painting. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect my partner to put the ladder back where it belongs when he's finished using it. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold expectations of my parnter without him even realising these expectations that I have in my own head.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be too afraid to tell my partner what I think is fair, by him cleaning up after himself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto a memory of me asking my partner to clean up after himself with him getting angry and defensive with me, with the experience of me feeling angry. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect asking my partner what I think would be fair that he clean up after himself to a memory of me asking him to clean up after himself and him getting defensive and angry with me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have defined my ability to express my wishes within a memory of me asking my partner to clean up after himself and him getting defensive and angry, with the expereince of me feeling angry. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from my ability to express my wishes through defining my ability to express my wishes within a memory of me asking my partner to clean up after himself and him getting defensive and angry, with the experience of me feeling angry, in separation of myself. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that my expression is here as me in every moment of breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the memory of me asking my partner to clean up after himself and him getting defensive and angry with me with an emotional experience of fear. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within an emotional experience of fear. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into an emotional experience of fear because I realise that I have not controlled my own anger in reaction to my partner's anger in the past. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid because I can learn to not react in anger by taking responsibility for my own thoughts and emotions. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid because I don't want to take responsibility for my own emotions. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame my partner for my emotions because I don't want to take responsibility for my anger and fear. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to refuse to face my fear and talk to my partner because I don't want to take responsibility for my anger and fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be fearful of confrontation, and within that fear, to not communicate effectively to my partner, but instead react in frustration and anger.

When I am faced with a mess that I think my partner should/should have cleaned, I will stop following my thoughts, breathe deeply, bring myself here out of my mind, and talk to my partner about what I want to say to him without participating in thoughts feelings and emotions.  I will push through my fear of conflict and communicate to my partner, instead of holding expectations and reacting with anger. I will plan a time to write out a cleaning agreement with my partner, dividing responsibilities, so that our home can function in a practical manner without any unneccesary back chat or conflict arrising among us.

Self forgivenes applied, dissembling dependency on beauty and love as separation and facing issues by pushing through.

Since one of my cats has been missing for almost 9months now, I have been checking a shelter site periodically. A few days ago I found a cat that looked very similar to my Chai Chai. I studied the picture closely to pin point all of the markings, and it pretty much matched, so much so that I thought it just might be my cat. I brought a cage and drove to the shelter in the hopes of bringing my long lost friend home, but to my dissapointment, it wasn't him. I was so dissapointed in fact, that I had tears well up in my eyes as I walked out of the building and decided to do something I had given up 4 months ago-shopping for stylish clothes as therapy.

My thoughts of Chai Chai dissapated, as I concentrated on searching for clothes that would fufill a fantasy. This fantasy I had dreamed up as a dilusion to my sadness. I would wear a beautiful outfit out to the city on a day that my family and I would spend together. I would feel beautiful, accepted, and happy in my perfect clothes. All of my problems would dissapear on this outing, and I would have a break from my reality.

This reality is that my Chai Chai is still missing, and I have no idea what happened to him. Is he alright? Is he in a home with another family, or is he on his own? Is he somewhere outside stuggling to survive? Is he dead?

Another part of my realty I have been attempting to avoid is completing my “homework”. I have been feeling a bit overwhelmed about getting it all done, because it took me a full day to write out one of the four blogs for this assignment. Shopping was a temporary distraction not only from missing my cat, but to the work that still needs to be done.

And why did I choose something so vain as a distraction? Well that all comes down to me avoiding what deep down needs to be written about. Vanity is a shallow cover up for my own lack of acceptance and happiness. I cannot reach this acceptance if I only attempt to fake it by dressing nice and getting approval from others. This lack of acceptance I believe has bubbled up from me not completing my work. I am overwhelmed and have given up on myself by using distractions with other things. Finding Chai Chai would bring me the hapiness I have been lacking. Out of fear of failure I have given up on my homework, but only temporarily. I know what must be done, and I know I will eventually do it. I have only created a time loop for myself, extending the time it takes to clear things up and progress.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give up on myself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to follow my fear of not being able to complete my project successfully and on time. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be dishonest with myself by distracting myself from my issues that I have allowed myself to be afraid of. I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realise that 'fear of not being able to complete my project' only exist within the mind. I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realise that if I exist in fear in the future I am not here in the presence of breath in every moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be vain and use shopping for clothes as a distraction to cover up my issues. I forgive myself for fantasizing about other's liking me in my beautiful clothes as an attempt for approval and happiness. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be dependent on other's approval as a cover for my own lack of approval. I forgive myself that I've allowed to exist in seperation with me through accepted and allowed participation in the mind and in search for approval from others. I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realise that when I accept myself to participate in the mind I am separating me from who I am here in every moment of breath in self expression as self honesty and self trust.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself by becoming dependant on beauty and style which I know will control me. I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to deliberately become dependant on beauty and style which I know compromise who I am to 'feed my ego'. I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realise that self compromise only exists when the ego of the mind wants to be fed/ established within me as me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into the ego of the mind when doing things that I know will compromise me, such as becoming dependant on beauty and style in competition and acceptance from others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think 'I will be accepted and happy in beautiful stylish clothes'. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect seeing stylish clothes to the thought 'I will be accepted and happy in beautiful, stylish clothes'. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing seeing stylish clothes as a trigger point within me, which triggers the thought 'I will be accepted and happy in beautiful, stylish clothes'. I forgive myself for accpting and allowing myself to desire stylish clothes. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the desire for stylish clothes to exist within and as me.I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the thought 'I will be accepted and happy in beautiful, stylish clothes' to an emotional experience of feeling unhappy. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within an emotional experience of unhappiness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into and emotional expereince of unhappiness because I realise that stylish clothes will not make me happy. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be unhappy because I realise that beauty is not a solution that will solve my issues. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire a quick, shallow solution to solve my issues-because I don't want to face my current reality. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to refuse to face my current reality, but instead want to escape within being an attractive woman.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the word 'beauty' with a positive value. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the word 'beauty' as 'good'/'positive'/'right' within my mind. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seperate myself form the word 'beauty' through judging the word 'beauty' as 'good'/'positive'/'right.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word 'beauty' to being accepted and happy in stylish clothes. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word 'beauty' within being accepted and happy in stylish clothes. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seperate myself from the word 'beauty' within being accepted and happy in stylish clothes in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word 'beauty' to love and adoration. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word 'beauty' within love and adoration. I forgive mysel for accepting and allowing myself to seperate myself from the word 'beauty' and from love and adoration through defining the word 'beauty' within love and adoration in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word 'beauty' to appreciation. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word 'beauty' within appreciation. I frogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word 'beauty' through defining the word 'beauty' within appreciation in seperation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a picture of myself dressed in pretty clothes getting attention and having a good time while walking through the city with my family-to exist within and as me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect with this picture to the thought ' I will be accepted and happy in beautiful, stylish clothes'. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect acceptance and happyness to a picture in my mind of myself dressed in pretty clothes getting attention and having a good time while walking through the city with my family. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the words beauty, acceptance and happiness within a picture in my mind of myself dressed in pretty clothes getting attention and having a good time while walking through the city with my family. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I require to be dressed in pretty clothes, getting attention, while with my family for me to be and experience beauty, happiness, and acceptance. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from beauty, happiness and acceptance through defining the words in separation of myself within this picture in my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect a memory of me getting attention and adoration while dressed up pretty with the experience of happiness and pride to the thought ' I will be accepted and happy in beautiful, stylish clothes'. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to the memory of me getting attention and adoration with the experience of happiness and pride. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have defined my beauty, happiness and acceptance within a memory of me getting attention and adoration while dressed up pretty with the experience of happiness and pride. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from beauty, happiness and acceptance through defining my beauty happiness and acceptance within a memory of me getting attention and adoration while dressed up pretty with the experience of happiness and pride, in separation of myself. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that happiness and acceptance is here as me in every moment of breath.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to think that having Chai Chai back will bring happiness and contentment. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be emotionally dependant on Chai Chai's return. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the thought of having Chai Chai back to happiness and contentment. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed seeing a cat that looks like Chai Chai as a trigger point within me, which triggers the thought of 'having Chai Chai back will bring happiness and contentment'. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire having my cat back. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the desire to have my cat back to exist within and as me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the thought that 'having Chai Chai back will bring happiness and contentment' to an emotional experience of dissapointment. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within an emotional experience of dissapointment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into an emotional experience of dissapointment because I realise that I am not able to practically manifest my desire of having my Chai Chai back with us. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be dissapointed because I realise that even if I could have Chai Chai back it will not solve my issues. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be dissapointed because I don't want to face my reality. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire an easy solution of having my cat back to bring happiness and contentment and solve my issues-because I don't want to face my current reality. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to refuse to face my current reality, but instead want to escape within imagining having my cat back as bringing happiness and contentment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the word love with a positive value. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the word love as 'good'/'positive'/'right' within my mind. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seperate myself from the word love through judging the word 'love' as 'good'/'positive'/'right'. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word love to having my cat back. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word love within having my cat back. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seperate myself from the word love and from my cat through defining the word love within my cat being back in seperation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word love to happiness and contentment in my mind. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word love within happiness and contentment in my mind. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seperate myself from the word love and from happiness and contentment through defining the word love within happiness and contentment in seperation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word love to acceptance and approval. I frogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word love within acceptance and approval. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word love and from happiness and contentment through defining the word love within happiness and contentment in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word love to family. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word love within family. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word love and from family through defining the word love within family in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word love to pets safe and happy. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word love within pet being safe and happy. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word love and from pets being safe and happy through defining the word love within pets being safe and happy in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a picture of finding Chai Chai and bringing him home creating smiles, hugs and lots of petting from my partner, children and myself-to exist within and as me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect this picture to the thought 'having Chai Chai back will bring happiness and contentment'. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect love, happiness and contentment to a picture in my mind of finding Chai Chai and bringing him home creating smiles, hugs and lots of petting from my partner, children and myself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the words love, happiness and contentment within a picture in my mind of finding Chai Chai and bringing him home creating smiles, hugs and lots of petting from my partner, children and myself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I require finding Chai Chai and bringing him home creating smiles, hugs and lots of petting from my parner, children and myself for me to experience love, happiness and contentment. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from love, happiness and contentment through defining the words in separation of myself within a picture of my cat returning.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect a memory of cuddling Chai Chai and him nibbling my neck while purring with the experience of pleasure and happiness to the thought 'having Chai Chai back will bring happiness and contentment'. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to the memory of cuddling Chai Chai and him nibbling my neck while purring with the experience of pleasure and happiness. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have defined my love, happiness and contentment within a memory of cuddling Chai Chai and him nibbling my neck while purring with the experience of pleasure and happiness. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seperate myself from my love, happiness and contentment through defining my love, happiness and contentment within a memory of cuddling Chai Chai and him nibbling my neck while purring with the experience of pleasure and happiness, in separation of myself. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that love, happiness and contentment is here as me in every moment of breath.

When I am feeling overwhelmed and am tempted to use any means of distraction to get my mind off of my current situation, such as missing a loved one or the need to get work done, I will bring myself back here, breathe and stop the mind. I will not follow the thoughts that my work cannot be done, but I will push through and do what I have to do to get it done. When I am missing my cat, I will stop, breath and not follow my thoughts of 'what if' and 'how much better it would be if he were with us'. I will no longer allow distractions, such as using shopping for clothes, as an escape from my issues, but instead will take the time to face myself, investigate my feelings and work them out through writing self forgiveness. When I do want to shop for clothes, I will ask myself if I am desiring to distract myself by shopping or if I need to shop for for practical purposes.

I will not allow myself to be dependant on others for my happiness and love. When I feel like I need acceptance and approval or like I need to be dressed stylishly to feel accepted, pretty and happy, I will stop following my thougths, bring myself here as breath, and remember that acceptance, beauty and happiness is within and as me already, as life.