Judging self through the eyes of my partner

My partner and I were on the way home from dropping off our van at the mechanic shop to be repaired. The back door is broken and it will cost about three hundred $ to fix it because it will take time to get it open. The brake light also needs to be replaced and I had asked my partner how much that would be. He replied in a shure way but was only guessing it would be about twenty $. I jokingly said, "you sure about that?" because it is so expensive to replace the handle just because it is so difficult to get to.

I was also wondering because in my experience, the cost differs greatly from car to car depending on how easy it is to get to. He replied in a frustrated tone that he knew for sure that break lights are not too expensive to fix. Now this is where I began to think 'what, does he think I'm stupid or something, I know they are not too expensive but there could be a wider range depending on the model/make of car, and besides, the van door handle is more expensieve to fix than many cars.'

I felt frustration within me as I followed the thought and was tempted to tell him what I was thinking, but instead I decided it wasn't worth it to throw the ball back only to save my ego, and instead I stopped the mind and took a few deep breaths to bring myself back. I noticed the thought creep up a few moments later and was once again tempted to tell him how I thought, and anger arised in me, but I chose once again to focus on breathing.

As we pulled into the driveway, I still had the thought creeping up again and I couldn't wait for him to leave. I was having trouble with this because I felt he was being unfair and wasn't allowing any communication and I felt restricted to express myself fully within communication. I felt that to talk further would only cause him to raise his defenses so that is why I wanted him to leave. I continued breathing deeply, stopping the thoughts momentarily that were persistantly pushing through. I was finally able to 'forget'/'let go' of these thoughts as soon as he was gone.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think 'What does he think I'm stupid or something?'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect hearing my partner's frustrated tone while speaking to me to the thought 'what does he think I'm stupid or something?'.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my partner's frustrated tone while speaking to me to exist as a trigger point within me, which triggers the thought 'what does he think I'm stupid or something?'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the thought 'what does he think I'm stupid or something?' to an emotional experience of disappointment and anger.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within and emotional experience of disappointment and anger.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into and emotional experience of dissapointment and anger because I realise that I am not able to control how my partner/others judge me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be dissapointed because I realise that I need not to look to my parnter/others for self worth but to find trust in self.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to trust myself.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to love myself unconditionally.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that how my partner/others judge me does not and can never determine who I am or 'how valuable' I am.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become dissapointed and angry with my partner after comparing myself to him and judging myself as 'less intelligent'/'less than him' through the eyes of my partner -instead of realising and accepting myself as equal and one as my partner.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the word 'stupid' with a negative value.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the word 'stupid' as 'bad'/'negative'/'wrong' within my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as the word 'stupid' through my perception of how my partner sees me, through judging the word 'stupid' as 'bad'/'negative'/'wrong'.

I realise that how my partner/others judge me does not and cannot determine who I am or 'how valuable' I am – only I am able to determine my self value. I realise and accept myself as equal and one as my partner – my partner and I are equal and one. As my partner and I are equal and one, I realise that I cannot be inferior or superior to my partner, and therefore, any disappointment and/or anger is irrelevant and a waste of time.

When and as I hear my partner's frustrated tone when talking to me – I stop, I breathe – I do not accept or allow myself to compare myself with my partner or judge myself through my percetion of how my partner sees me. Instead – I learn trust and value within myself through writing self forgiveness and following through with self corrective application, and I embrace my partner as myself and realise that my partner and I are equal and one, valuing myself as my partner as who we are as life as all as one as equal.