Anger with 'people'

 

 Okay, I tried to spread the word. I tried to give the message of life, of reality. I have uncovered the veil and burst many bubbles of delusion people want to hide in. In all the effort I have made to reveal this world and what we all have been accepting and allowing, so we can work together to stop allowing the abuse, I have only received harsh judgment, gossip, and threats in return. I have become angry with people because when I gave them reality, they didn't want to see it, but chose to blame me for being a “bad”/”negative” person. It came down to only two people who actually respond with agreement to some of the posts about our current reality.

 

  So I have allowed the previous reactions from people, and the current state of “being ignored” to ignite anger in me. At least that is how I have been allowing myself to see it. Now I realize that my anger is with myself. I tried to change people, instead of only focusing on myself, because I can only change myself. I longed to be accepted by others, when I only need to accept myself, and not judge myself based  on another person's judgment of me. I had allowed myself to feel like a failure only because I could not change others, and because I was only cast out and labeled as abnormal.

 

  I had allowed myself to fear for my survival by fearing what others had threatened to do to me and my children. I had almost given up, because in some ways, in the immediate, it is easier/safer to just blend in with the crowd, have people accept you as “normal”. It is easier to play the pretty picture, to live in vanity like others, because that is what people can “connect with” as people like to play that game. It is easier to speak of the positive, because that it what people want to hear as they try to ignore what we all have been accepting and allowing ourselves to abuse and destruct.

 

  Even as the thought of giving up came across many occasions, I could not because I cannot live a lie. I had a lot of trouble facing myself, my anger, and I didn't want to write. My dog had cancer and I was angry that I could not save him, after I did everything I could to bring him back to good health, because I felt he was too innocent to suffer and to young to die. So instead of writing and facing myself, I kept busy with the house work, the children, yard work, and of course mopping the floors every few hours and cleaning my dog from blood, diarrhea , urine and vomit.

 

  I was angry at my friend who I had allowed to influence me into going out and drink alcohol to celebrate my birthday, which lead me into getting arrested, when I have been practicing such a healthy lifestyle at the time only to be convinced to “have fun”. It was myself I was angry with. It was ultimately my choice to go out and drink. I just wanted to blame her so I couldn't see that it was I who messed up. It was easy to blame her because she has a way with pressuring me with words, yet it seems that being with her has cost me more trouble than peace on many occasions.

 

  Anger at the police who wrote lies about me in order to convict me really overwhelmed me, as I felt it was so unjust. They call it the justice system, yet they can say whatever they want and of course the judge will believe the police before they will believe the defendant. I was angry with the way they made fun of me when they arrested me, because they were laughing and happy to arrest me, when it was the start of a hard life for me and a lot of fines that I cannot afford. So I was angry with myself for even putting myself in the situation where a cop could do that.

 

  All this anger, and blame I placed in people, yet I didn't want to realize it has always been myself I have been angry with. I had allowed myself to be consumed in anger to a degree of almost quitting everything I have been standing up for. Yet I can not quit. I know reality for what it is, and I cannot pretend. I know the Desteni is the only way because it is facing self, facing reality for exactly what it is, and putting and end to the cycle of allowing the mind, the ego, and fear to control, and to stop accepting and allowing the abuse and destruction of our home Earth and all life in the name of selfishness.

 

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to believe that anger exists.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to define myself according to anger as what I am.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to participate in anger.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to participate with anger.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to react with anger.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to react in anger.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to exert anger to another instead of realizing that this anger within me- has been manifested by myself through my participation of thoughts.

I forgive myself that I've allowed and accepted anger within me.

I forgive myself that I've allowed and accepted myself to react with anger and in anger.

I forgive myself that I've allowed and accepted anger with another and thus validated the existence of anger within me.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to be angry with people/humanity.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to exert this anger within me towards people/humanity.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to be angry with me.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to exert this anger within myself towards myself instead of standing up and saying: 'To hear no further' and stop the mind.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to be angry with the police men who lied about me and made fun of me.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to exert this anger within me towards the police.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to be angry with the 'justice system'.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to exert this anger within me towards the 'justice system'.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to be angry with my friend.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to exert this anger within me towards my friend.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to be angry with cancer.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to exert this anger within me towards cancer.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to be angry with my friends/family.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to exert this anger within me towards my friends/family.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realize that exerting anger to someone or something separate from me is a statement of blame- instead of me taking self-responsibility for me in applying self-forgiveness for allowing and accepting anger within me through the participation of thoughts and thus me standing up as me for me as who I am.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realize that anger exists within me because I am not allowing myself to take self-responsibility for me in living self-honesty.

 

When and as I feel anger within me, I stop, I breathe, I stand up and say 'to hear no further' and I do not  allow myself to follow my thoughts or participate in the emotion of anger. I no longer place blame, instead I accept responsibility, look to where I have been living in dishonesty and discipline myself to live once again in honesty.