So I have been feeling aggravation pretty easily lately, especially with my children when they interrupt me or when one of them doesn't know how to stop talking. I have been allowing this aggravated feeling to spread into all areas, and have made it easier to be frustrated and aggravated with just about everything. I thought about this and realized this is my time for PMS, the few days before my period starts when my hormones are all out of whack.
Yesterday I attempted to make some money by selling DVDs back to the same pawn shop I purchased them. When the man who worked at the counter declined more than half of them, I became angry with him. He said he would not buy them because they were scratched, yet I had bought them in the exact same condition, with very un-noticable hairline scratches that do not affect the quality or how they are played at all. I watched them once with no problems whatsoever and placed them back in their cases.
I had assumed that I would not have any problem selling them back, yet here he was telling me he couldn't take them.
Today during group chat, my 4yr old kept attempting to get my attention by repeatedly asking me questions in a loud voice, and telling me he loves me and like me. While I admit there is not much better way to be interrupted than to have someone tell you how much they love and like you, it does get difficult to pay attention and it builds up as frustration.
Currently my children are behaving like wild animals, NOISY, yelling wild animals, stomping around the house, playing roughly and getting hurt, causing my youngest to cry every few minutes. My older son's bus was 45minutes late, and I had to get to the vet to fork out extra cash we don't have on meds for my puppy's mange.
To top all this PMS off, my mother-in-law is taking us to the beach as soon as school lets out. I should be so happy about it but all the beaches around here are polluted from the BP oil spill and all the Cor-exit that was sprayed in attempt to lesson the damage (which has caused way more damage). The two mixes have created a toxic combo that is making people deathly ill. I have already told my kids they will not be able to play on the beach, we will just look at it from our room.
Soooo here I am, woe is me. I am PMS-ing and feeling sorry for myself. I am feeling pissed at stupid greedy people who have ruined our oceans and beaches and killed millions of innocent creatures all to make profit. I am angry with the man who won't buy back the DVDs that are in the exact same condition he sold them to me. I am upset with our current system of capitalism that ignores sick animals if we don't have money to give them. And I have secretly taken it out on my rambunctious kids and my hormones. It is actually easier to take it out on my hormones, because I don't think they care!
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame my emotions on my hormones, even though they may exasperate them, I do have the control to decide what to allow or not allow how I feel.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become frustrated with my children, who are innocently playing and being themselves as noisy and rambunctious as they can be.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within the emotion of anger with the greedy people who have ruined our oceans and beaches and killed all those innocent creatures (especially the dolphins who are so aware).
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be upset with the current system of how my pets, animals, will not be seen by a vet if we don't have money, and they are left to suffer and die.
I realize that these are all legit concerns that need to be taken care of, which is why I promote the equal money system, and why I am working on my own self forgiveness, but I also realize that I do not need to participate in the thoughts feeling and emotions and that by participating, I am only allowing myself to continue on as part of the unified mind consciousness system, as part of the problem. So I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in this.
When I begin to feel anger and frustration with unfair people, greedy people, and the system as it is, I stop, I breathe, and bring myself back here, out of the system and back to life as breath, and I take the procedures necessary to stand up and make a change without participating in the thoughts feelings and emotions.
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