I have been feeling like I can't keep up with this. I have hit a time when I have so much work to do and the DIP on top of it. The 'easy in the moment' route would be to quit DIP, so I have ample time to do everything else that needs to be done, but I am not in this for the momentarily easy way, I am in this to fix me and it is going to take a long time. I need to stay dedicated to this, I can't just give up when the going gets tough.
In my past I studied at Southeastern Louisiana University for six years and still didn't earn my degree. The first few years I changed my major a few times. It is not easy picking out the one thing a person wants to do in life to survive. The talents I have inherited and are interested in are on the artistic side, and therefore don't usually offer much stability in the job market. I eventually decided on exercise health in science because I was already a personal trainer and enjoyed sculpting my body, having control over my strength, endurance, and overall health. Yet I had to quit training people once I became pregnant and dropped out of school once the baby was born. I planned the baby, both of them, so I really dropped out because I wasn't in the mood for that anymore, I was ready to be a mom.
So I have this past of not completing things and it is catching up with me, well it is still in my head, affecting how I feel about my capabilities of sticking things through in the present. I want the easy way out, yet in this case, it isn't going to be the easy way in the long run. So I have to stop allowing myself to follow this particular mind pattern. I am sticking with this, because my only other choice will waste a lot of time. I know if I did quit I would definitely come back, there is no other way to live but honestly, and that is exactly what Desteni is about.
So because I am exhausted, and I still need to bathe my puppy in her medicated shampoo, and take care of my 4yr old, I am going to continue on with SF tomorrow. At least I am still sticking this out, doing what I am capable.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think “This is too difficult, I can't do this, besides I didn't get my college degree after spending six years of studying and changing majors, I just can't follow through with anything for the long haul”.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect anything new to study and stay dedicated to with the thought “This is too difficult, I can't do this, besides I didn't get my college degree after spending six years of studying and changing majors, I just can't follow through with anything for the long haul”.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the thought “This is too difficult, I can't do this, besides I didn't get my college degree after spending six years of studying and changing majors, I just can't follow through with anything for the long haul” to an emotional experience of disappointment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within an emotional experience of disappointment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into an emotional experience of disappointment because I am comparing my present moment with past experiences and fearing I will continue repeating the same decisions that I chose in the past. But I realize now that the past does not dictate what I do in the present, and that it is part of my process that I decided to go through because it was what I needed to see at the time, and now I am in a different point in process, seeing things differently.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to refuse to face my current reality in full self honesty but instead want to escape and give up on myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use a comparison of myself with my past self-decisions as an excuse to give up and escape my current reality instead of realizing that I am creating me, I am the creator of me and I am not going to allow myself to be dictated like a puppet from my memories. I am not my memories.
When and as I start something new to study and dedicate myself to or as I am in the process of a long dedication in responsibility and I begin to feel overwhelmed and am tempted to follow my thoughts of my past decisions of giving up-I stop, I breathe – I do not accept or allow myself to compare my present situation with my past experiences, or to compare myself today with myself yesterday, but I realize that I am the creator of me, and I am not my memories, because I have the ability to chose what I will do, and that choice does not have to be the same as it was before. I do not give up when the going gets tough while fooling myself that it is the way out, instead I push through and stay honest with myself and face myself in my current reality taking responsibility for myself.
Dedicated is the word I choose to redefine because I feel like I am having fears and difficulty with dedicating myself.
I have been living in fear of this word, for the fear of myself not being able to stay dedicated, but to give up as I have in past experiences.
Dedicated definition in the dictionary:
dedicated (adjective) – Wholly committed to something, as to an ideal, political cause, or personal goal.
Sounding it out:
dedicated -
ded - “dead”
ic - “ick” like as in icky or gross
ca - “k” like “ok” it's really not that bad, it's ok
ted – guys name
I think its (he's) horrible but really it's (he's) not that bad! Lol!
Also:
dedicated -
ded -deed, like a good deed
cated – coated
Coated in a good deed.
I have interpreted the word with a negative charge, because even though I think it is supportive or really positive, it is something that I fear I cannot live by and because of the fear it becomes negative. I have been back and forth with the charging of it, I feel both, so I guess I will self forgive for both.
I associate the word to relationships and jobs. I feel better experiencing this word within relationships and worse experiencing this word with jobs.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the word dedicated with a positive value when connecting it with a relationship. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the word dedicated as good/positive/right within my mind. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word dedicated through judging the word dedicated as good/positive/right.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word dedicated to relationships.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word dedicated within relationships.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word dedicated and from relationships through defining the word dedicated within relationships in separation of myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the word dedicated with a negative value when connecting it to a job. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the word dedicated as bad/negative/wrong within my mind. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word dedicated through judging the word dedicate as bad/negative/wrong.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word dedicated to a job. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word dedicated within a job. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word dedicate within a job in separation of myself.
Creative writing:
dedicated – set a goal and not give up
- stay focused on completing a task
- be committed to a purpose in creating a desired outcome/consequence
- being the creator of a desired outcome
- stand up against all obstacles in continuation of creating a desired outcome
- stand firm against any and all obstacles during the creation of a desired outcome*Dedicated - stand firm within self against all temptation and obstacles and following through self directive application to live a desired outcome as a creator which supports all life equally.
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