I was told I look gaunt by a “friend” a few months ago. She said I look tired and sick as well. I don't know why I paid attention to her and took her seriously, but at the time I did and I allowed her word to hurt me. I started wearing make-up again and dressing more stylishly. I didn't want to look gaunt and sickly.
But now I realize that her words have a hidden agenda for herself. They are only her opinion, and her opinion has been skewed by her desire to find fault in me. I see this now because I have found out some things about her motives since then. Also, in our past, her ex-boyfriend “hit on me”, not hurt, but flirted with me, trying to get me to dance with him as soon as she left the room, and when she came back she saw this and blamed me for hitting on him, yet I had no interest in him whatsoever, and in fact he openly said (in front of her) he wanted to f... me. It was easier for her to blame me than to blame him.
Now she is interested in my husband, and she has said so before that “he looks like he'd be a good f....”
She also has taken his side in an argument between me and him, while tagging along with us on our date night. She then hung out with him outside flirting with him, making sexual suggestions. My husband has admitted to this.
So now I see why she blamed me in the first place for her ex- boy hitting on me, because she has the agenda to be with my man, so she can see this as a possibility. Now I see why she told me I looked gaunt and sickly, because she is jealous of me and was attempting to find fault, and put me down. I allowed her to get me down, and I see this now.
I see now how I was fooled by her, and started wearing make-up because I had allowed her to make me feel insecure. She has been verbally abusing me, playing mind games with me, and now I can see this. I am going to stay away from her as much as possible, because I don't want to be part of the abuse any longer.
I had allowed her to anger me when she butted her head in my argument with my partner, with her cruel, selfish intentions of splitting us up so she could have him. She had even tried convincing him that I was anxious to get to our destination to see another guy. Clearly abusive. I will stay away when I can, but there is no guarantee I will not have to be around her because she is my brother's friend, but I will keep my distance as much as possible. I just can't believe how long it has taken me to see this, to see how she has over the years been abusive to me, and her agenda to get my man.
I can't believe how I had allowed her to convince me I need to wear make-up so I don't look sickly. Now looking back, she was the only one to have this opinion, and the proof is when I would get hit on by guys when I was completely make-up free. Also the proof is I know I am healthy, and now I realize her agenda all along.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think “I must be gaunt and sickly looking because that is what she told me”.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to beLIEve her opinion as if it were the truth, as reality, when now I realize that it is just an opinion, a judgment and is not in fact a reality, and furthermore and opinion backed by a cruel selfish agenda.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect her opinion of me being “gaunt and sickly” with the thought “I must be gaunt and sickly looking because she said so”.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing her opinion of me being gaunt and sickly to exist as a trigger point within me, which triggers the thought “I must be gaunt and sickly looking because she said so”.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire being considered healthy looking in her eyes.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the desire to be considered healthy looking in her eyes to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the thought “I must be gaunt and sickly looking because she told me so” to an emotional experience of disappointment.
I forgive myself accepting and allowing myself to participate within an emotional experience of disappointment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into and emotional experience of disappointment because I believed her opinion of me, instead of realizing that it was only a judgment from her mind, and a judgment made to be of abuse to me based on her selfish agenda.
When and as I hear her opinion of me as being gaunt and sickly – I stop, I breathe – I do not accept or allow myself to believe her opinion as if it were truth, as reality, instead I realize that her opinion is only that, an opinion, a judgment in her mind, which is based on an idea of what she wants to think to make herself feel better about herself. I do not separate myself from her by her judgment or mine, but I embrace her as me and realize that she and I are equal and one, valuing myself as she as who we are as life as one as equal, no longer “be-LIE-ving” as the mind, as a judgment, as a picture, but as life.
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